Relationship Therapy

Building Connection Through Understanding

Relationships are supposed to feel good. When they don't—when you're exhausted from the same arguments, lonely even when you're together, or wondering if you can ever get back what you once had—it's not because you've failed. It's because the patterns you're stuck in haven't shifted yet.

I work with couples using research-based approaches that address both the surface conflicts and the deeper patterns underneath. Whether you're in crisis, experiencing a slow drift apart, or simply want to strengthen what's already working, there's a pathway forward.

What Brings Couples to Therapy?newcouple

Couples reach out for therapy at different stages and for different reasons. Some come in crisis—betrayal, considering separation, unable to communicate without escalation. Others come because connection has faded and they want to rebuild before it's too late. Still others come when things are generally good but they recognize patterns from past relationships or families of origin showing up in ways they don't want.

Common concerns include:

  • Communication breakdowns: Conversations turn into arguments, or you've stopped talking about anything that matters
  • Conflict patterns: The same fight keeps happening with different content
  • Emotional disconnection: You feel like roommates, not partners
  • Trust and betrayal: Recovering from infidelity or other breaks in trust
  • Life transitions: Becoming parents, career changes, empty nest, grief, or major stress
  • Intimacy challenges: Sexual connection has faded or never developed fully
  • Different values or goals: Discovering you want different things
  • Blended family dynamics: Navigating stepfamily relationships and co-parenting

If you're questioning whether your relationship can improve, that question itself is worth exploring. Most couples wait an average of six years after problems begin before seeking help—don't wait that long.

How Does Gottman Method Couples Therapy Work?

I primarily use the Gottman Method, a research-based approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman through more than 40 years of studying what makes relationships succeed or fail. Dr. John Gottman is recognized as one of the top 10 most influential therapists of the past quarter century, and his research can predict with over 90% accuracy whether a couple will stay together based on specific interaction patterns.

The Gottman Method focuses on three primary areas:

Building Friendship and Intimacy

Strong relationships are built on genuine friendship—knowing each other deeply, staying curious, and turning toward each other rather than away. We work on strengthening your friendship foundation through practices that increase emotional connection and positive interactions.

Managing Conflict Constructively

All couples have conflict. The difference between relationships that thrive and those that don't isn't the presence of conflict—it's how you handle it. The Gottman research identified specific destructive patterns (called the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) and their antidotes. You'll learn to recognize these patterns and replace them with approaches that actually resolve issues rather than escalating them.

Creating Shared Meaning

Beyond managing day-to-day challenges, lasting relationships are built on shared purpose, values, and dreams. We explore what brings meaning to your lives individually and together, creating space for both autonomy and connection.

The approach is practical and skills-based. You'll learn specific tools for communication, conflict resolution, and emotional attunement. But it's not just technique—we address the deeper emotional patterns and wounds that drive the surface conflicts.

"We went to Janice to help my husband and I with some communication issues among other issues we were having in our marriage. We have been together for over 15yrs she was amazing had several techniques to use with us! We always walked out of our sessions feeling great. Since seeing Janice I have referred several people to her and all of them have nothing but positive feedback on her. I would not hesitate should a issue arise going back to her in a heartbeat."  https://collaboratingwellness.com/index.php/reviews

What Is the Gottman Relationship Checkup?

For most couples, I recommend beginning with the Gottman Relationship Checkup—a comprehensive online assessment that serves as our roadmap for creating a personalized treatment plan.

What it includes:

The assessment consists of 480 carefully crafted questions exploring friendship, intimacy, emotional management, conflict resolution, shared values and goals, and what brings meaning to your lives. Additional sections address parenting, household responsibilities, finances, trust, and individual areas of concern.

How it works:

You each complete the assessment independently, at your own pace, in a private setting. It's completely confidential and HIPAA compliant. Upon completion, the system automatically generates clinical insights that identify specific strengths and challenges in your relationship while suggesting research-based recommendations.

Why it's valuable:

This assessment gives us a clear starting point. Rather than spending weeks trying to figure out what's actually happening beneath the surface conflicts, we have data-driven insights that pinpoint exactly where to focus our work. It also shows you where your relationship is already strong—couples are often surprised to discover they have more going for them than they realized.

The Gottman Relationship Checkup represents decades of research distilled into a practical tool that makes therapy more efficient and targeted.

Can Couples Therapy Help If We're Really Struggling?

Yes—with some important caveats.

Couples therapy works best when:

  • Both partners are willing to engage (even if reluctantly)
  • There's no active, ongoing affair
  • Safety isn't an immediate concern (no physical violence or severe intimidation)
  • Both people want the relationship to improve, even if they're not sure it can

Couples therapy may not be appropriate if:

  • One partner is actively having an affair and unwilling to end it
  • There's ongoing domestic violence or severe intimidation
  • One person has already decided to leave and isn't open to working on the relationship
  • Substance abuse is active and untreated

If you're unsure whether couples therapy is right for your situation, we can discuss this in an initial consultation. Sometimes individual therapy is needed first to address safety concerns, active addiction, or untreated mental health conditions before couples work can be effective.

What if we're past the point of repair?

Some couples come to therapy and discover they actually want different things—and that's okay. Not every relationship is meant to continue, and therapy can provide a space to make that decision consciously rather than destructively. If separation is the outcome, therapy can help you navigate that transition with more clarity and less harm, especially if children are involved.

"Janice is AWESOME!! Easy to talk to and truly cares about people. She helped me and my family through an extremely difficult time. Once we no longer needed her assistance (for now) I actually missed talking to her. I highly recommend her!" https://collaboratingwellness.com/index.php/reviews

How Does Soul Unity Therapy Apply to Relationship Work?

While the Gottman Method provides the research-based framework and practical tools, I integrate Soul Unity Therapy principles to address the deeper patterns that often drive relationship conflicts.

Relationships as mirrors: The patterns you experience in your relationship often reflect unresolved wounds, family-of-origin programming, or disconnection from your authentic self. Soul Unity Therapy recognizes that healing your relationship sometimes requires healing your relationship with yourself first.

Common deeper patterns we address:

  • Childhood attachment wounds that create anxious or avoidant patterns in adult relationships
  • Family-of-origin programming about what relationships "should" look like
  • Trauma responses that show up as emotional reactivity, shutdown, or control
  • Loss of self in the relationship—abandoning your needs, intuition, or identity to maintain connection
  • Disconnection from inner guidance that makes it hard to know what you actually need or want

How this integration works:

Sometimes this deeper work happens in couples sessions—we might use EMDR or other trauma processing approaches to address specific wounds that are impacting the relationship. Other times, individual sessions are needed alongside couples work to process trauma or reconnect with your authentic self before you can show up differently in the relationship.

The goal isn't just better communication skills (though that matters). The goal is genuine connection—where both people can be fully themselves, trust their inner knowing, and create a relationship that supports rather than diminishes who they are.

This approach is particularly effective for couples recovering from:

  • Infidelity or betrayal
  • Religious trauma or high-control religious backgrounds affecting relationship dynamics
  • Codependency or enmeshment patterns
  • Relationships where one or both partners lost themselves trying to make it work

What to Expect in Couples Therapy Sessions

Initial Session:

We'll discuss what brought you to therapy, what you each want from the relationship, and what's not working. I'll also assess whether couples therapy is appropriate or if individual work is needed first. If we proceed with couples therapy, I'll introduce the Gottman Relationship Checkup and explain next steps.

Assessment Phase:

After you complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup, we'll have a feedback session where I share what the assessment revealed and we create a treatment plan together. This gives us clear direction rather than wandering through sessions hoping something helps.

Active Therapy Phase:

Sessions typically focus on:

  • Building friendship and positive connection
  • Learning specific communication and conflict resolution skills
  • Processing deeper wounds or patterns (individually or together as appropriate)
  • Practicing new approaches in real-time during sessions
  • Homework between sessions to integrate what you're learning

Session Format:

Most couples meet weekly or biweekly for 50-60 minute sessions. Some couples benefit from occasional longer sessions (90 minutes) when we're doing deeper processing work. The frequency and duration depend on the severity of issues and your goals.

Who I Work With

My practice warmly welcomes all kinds of relationships and family structures. I work with:

  • Married couples and long-term partnerships
  • Dating couples navigating commitment questions
  • LGBTQ+ relationships
  • Polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous relationships
  • Couples with alternative lifestyle choices
  • Interfaith or spiritually mixed couples
  • Couples navigating religious deconstruction or leaving high-control religious systems

I particularly welcome clients interested in expanded consciousness, meditation, or spirituality, as these elements are naturally integrated throughout my therapeutic approach. If you're seeking a therapist who understands the intersection of relationship healing and spiritual growth, this practice may be a good fit.

Common Questions About Couples Therapy

How long does couples therapy take?

It depends on the complexity of issues and your goals. Some couples achieve significant shifts in 10-15 sessions. Others work with me for 6-12 months or longer, especially if there's trauma, betrayal, or deep-rooted patterns to address. We'll assess progress regularly and adjust as needed.

What if my partner won't come to therapy?

Individual therapy can still improve your relationship by changing how you show up in it. Sometimes one person starting therapy motivates the other to join later. If your partner genuinely refuses and the relationship is struggling, we can explore whether the relationship is sustainable as-is or what your options are.

Do you ever meet with us individually?

Sometimes, yes. If there's trauma, an affair, or individual issues significantly impacting the relationship, individual sessions alongside couples work can be valuable. I'm transparent about what I can and cannot keep confidential—generally, anything revealed in individual sessions that directly impacts the relationship (like an ongoing affair) cannot remain secret.

What if we discover we want different things?

That's important information. Therapy can help you make a conscious, clear decision about whether to stay and work on the relationship or separate with integrity. Not every relationship is meant to continue, and sometimes the kindest thing therapy offers is clarity about that.

Can couples therapy help if there's been infidelity?

Yes, absolutely—but it requires specific conditions. The affair must end completely, the person who had the affair must take full responsibility, and both partners must be willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust. Recovery from infidelity typically takes 12-18 months minimum and involves processing trauma (for the betrayed partner) alongside rebuilding the relationship foundation.

What reading do you recommend?

I encourage couples to explore resources that resonate with them. Many clients find "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson transformative—some make such significant progress from this book alone that they need minimal additional therapy. I also highly recommend "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, and "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Choose what speaks to you, but don't treat reading as a substitute for therapy if your relationship is genuinely struggling.