Building Connection Through Understanding

I work with couples using research-based approaches that address both the surface conflicts and the deeper attachment needs underneath. Whether you're in crisis, experiencing a slow drift apart, or simply want to strengthen your bond, there's a pathway forward.

What Brings Couples to Therapy?

Couples reach out for therapy at different stages and for different reasons. Some come in crisis—betrayal, considering separation, unable to communicate without escalation. Others come because their emotional connection has faded and they want to rebuild a secure base before it's too late.

Common concerns include:

• Communication breakdowns: Conversations turn into arguments, or you've stopped talking about anything that matters
• Attachment insecurity: One partner feels anxious and pursues connection while the other feels overwhelmed and withdraws
• Conflict patterns: The same fight keeps happening with different content (the "Protest Polka")
• Emotional disconnection: You feel like roommates rather than intimate partners
• Trust and betrayal: Recovering from infidelity or other breaks in safety
• Life transitions: Becoming parents, career changes, empty nest, grief, or major stress
• Intimacy challenges: Sexual connection has faded or never developed fully

If you're questioning whether your relationship can improve, that question itself is worth exploring. Most couples wait an average of six years after problems begin before seeking help—don't wait that long.

How Does Gottman Method Couples Therapy Work?

I primarily use the Gottman Method, a research-based approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman through more than 40 years of studying what makes relationships succeed or fail. Dr. John Gottman is recognized as one of the top 10 most influential therapists of the past quarter century.

The Gottman Method focuses on three primary areas:

Building Friendship and Intimacy

Strong relationships are built on genuine friendship—knowing each other deeply, staying curious, and turning toward each other rather than away. We work on strengthening your friendship foundation through practices that increase emotional connection and positive interactions.

Managing Conflict Constructively

All couples have conflict. The difference between relationships that thrive and those that don't isn't the presence of conflict—it's how you handle it. The Gottman research identified specific destructive patterns (called the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) and their antidotes. You'll learn to recognize these patterns and replace them with approaches that actually resolve issues rather than escalating them.

Creating Shared Meaning

Beyond managing day-to-day challenges, lasting relationships are built on shared purpose, values, and dreams. We explore what brings meaning to your lives individually and together, creating space for both autonomy and connection.

The Attachment Perspective: The "Why" Behind the Conflict

While the Gottman Method provides the "how" of healthy communication, Attachment-Based Therapy helps us understand the "why." Many couples find themselves stuck in a painful cycle: one partner pushes for connection (often appearing critical or demanding) while the other pulls away to keep the peace (often appearing cold or distant).

This isn't just stubbornness—it's biology.

When our bond feels threatened, our nervous systems react. I help couples view their struggles through the lens of Attachment Theory to understand:

• Your Attachment Styles: How your early life experiences shaped whether you tend toward Anxious attachment (needing reassurance) or Avoidant attachment (needing space).
• The Cycle: Recognizing that the "Pursuer/Distancer" dance is the enemy, not your partner.
• Safety & Repair: How to create a "Secure Base" for each other, so you can stop fighting for survival and start connecting with vulnerability.

By integrating this approach, we move beyond just "stopping the fighting" to actually healing the bond that makes you feel safe in the world.

What Is the Gottman Relationship Checkup?

For most couples, I recommend beginning with the Gottman Relationship Checkup—a comprehensive online assessment that serves as our roadmap for creating a personalized treatment plan.

What it includes:

The assessment consists of 480 carefully crafted questions exploring friendship, intimacy, emotional management, conflict resolution, shared values and goals, and what brings meaning to your lives. Additional sections address parenting, household responsibilities, finances, trust, and individual areas of concern.

How it works:

You each complete the assessment independently, at your own pace, in a private setting. It's completely confidential and HIPAA compliant. Upon completion, the system automatically generates clinical insights that identify specific strengths and challenges in your relationship while suggesting research-based recommendations.

Why it's valuable:

This assessment gives us a clear starting point. Rather than spending weeks trying to figure out what's actually happening beneath the surface conflicts, we have data-driven insights that pinpoint exactly where to focus our work.

Integrating Soul Unity & Attachment Healing

While the Gottman Method provides the research-based framework and practical tools, I integrate Soul Unity Therapy principles to address the deeper patterns and attachment wounds that often drive relationship conflicts.

Common deeper patterns we address:

• Childhood Attachment Wounds: How early experiences created Anxious (pursuing) or Avoidant (distancing) patterns in your adult relationships
• "Mother Hunger" & Nurturance Deficits: Addressing the deep craving for (or fear of) intimacy that stems from early unmet needs
• Trauma Responses: Recognizing when you or your partner are reacting to past history rather than the present moment
• Loss of Self: Abandoning your needs, intuition, or identity to maintain connection (a common Anxious attachment response)

How this integration works:

Sometimes this deeper work happens in couples sessions—we might use EMDR or other trauma processing approaches to address specific wounds that are impacting the relationship. Other times, individual sessions are needed alongside couples work to process trauma or reconnect with your authentic self.

The goal isn't just better communication skills (though that matters). The goal is genuine Secure Attachment—where both people can be fully themselves, trust their inner knowing, and create a relationship that supports rather than diminishes who they are.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy Sessions

Initial Session:

We'll discuss what brought you to therapy and what your goals are. I'll also assess for safety and attachment history to determine if couples therapy is the right starting point.

Assessment Phase:

After you complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup, we'll have a feedback session where I share what the assessment revealed. We will look at both your conflict patterns and your strength areas to create a treatment plan together.

Active Therapy Phase:

Sessions typically focus on:

• Building a Secure Base: Strengthening friendship and positive connection so you feel safe enough to do the work.
• Identifying the Cycle: Learning to catch the "Pursue/Withdraw" pattern in real-time.
• Repair Skills: Practicing specific communication tools to de-escalate conflict and return to connection.
• Processing Wounds: Addressing deeper attachment injuries individually or together as appropriate.

Session Format:

Most couples meet weekly or biweekly for 50-60 minute sessions. Some couples benefit from occasional longer sessions (90 minutes) when we're doing deeper processing work.

Who I Work With

My practice warmly welcomes all kinds of relationships and family structures. I work with:

• Married couples and long-term partnerships
• Dating couples navigating commitment questions
• LGBTQ+ relationships
• Polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous relationships
• Couples with alternative lifestyle choices
• Interfaith or spiritually mixed couples
• Couples navigating religious deconstruction or leaving high-control religious systems

I particularly welcome clients interested in expanded consciousness, meditation, or spirituality, as these elements are naturally integrated throughout my therapeutic approach. If you're seeking a therapist who understands the intersection of relationship healing, attachment repair, and spiritual growth, this practice may be a good fit.

Common Questions About Couples Therapy

How long does couples therapy take?

It depends on the complexity of issues and your goals. Some couples achieve significant shifts in 10-15 sessions. Others work with me for 6-12 months or longer, especially if there's trauma, betrayal, or deep-rooted attachment patterns to address. We'll assess progress regularly.

What if my partner won't come to therapy?

Individual therapy can still improve your relationship by changing how you show up in it. By understanding your own attachment style and triggers, you can often shift the dynamic of the "dance" even if you are the only one changing your steps.

Do you ever meet with us individually?

Sometimes, yes. If there's trauma, an affair, or individual issues significantly impacting the relationship, individual sessions alongside couples work can be valuable. I'm transparent about what I can and cannot keep confidential—generally, anything revealed in individual sessions that directly impacts the relationship (like an ongoing affair) cannot remain secret.

Can couples therapy help if there's been infidelity?

Yes, absolutely—but it requires specific conditions. The affair must end completely, the person who had the affair must take full responsibility, and both partners must be willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust (what the Gottman Method calls the "Atonement" phase). Recovery from infidelity involves processing the attachment trauma alongside rebuilding the relationship foundation.

What reading do you recommend?

I encourage couples to explore resources that resonate with them. Many clients find "Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson transformative—it is the foundational book on Attachment-Based couples therapy. I also highly recommend "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, and "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.